Loving Through: Finding your Tribe

You can be in a room filled with people you call friends, but still feel completely alone. Alone in the way that you can’t be who you truly are, that you conform to the way everyone else thinks and feels, but it is all the same as you are still alone, but filled with people who don’t know who you truly are.

I have always told my girls you really only need one good friend who you can be yourself with. Who you can trust, laugh, cry, dream and say how you feel. Quantity does not matter especially when you get older, but society has made our younger years a popularity contest and that takes us sometime to undo and figure out and sometimes people never do.

You can only grow, challenge yourself and learn when you surround yourself with people who allow you to do just that. We need to have that space where we are unafraid to BE who we are and know that we are loved and cared for no matter what.

The hard part is letting go when our tribe may not be what we need anymore, that we have grown and learned all we can from them. This is the space where we need to dive into love, being grateful for all that we have received and learned. Nothing is about us, but it is about the growth and knowing not everyone is meant to stay on our journey or in our tribe.

I believe we are truly blessed when we have a tribe that remains with us throughout our lives, even if it is just one person. The greatest gift we can give to ourself is to be walking our path that is meant for us, with the people we are meant to walk with. XO-Rach

Ode to Love.

Love is who we are, each and every one of us.  We were born as love and we will die as love.  Love can not be bought or sold.  Love is not a possession or misconception.  

Loving Through is being present in each moment we are granted.  

There are endless possibilities of love, but you must be able to see them, feel them and cherish them.   

Love is the sun, the sky, the moon and the stars.  Love is the oceans, with white sandy beaches.  Love is the mountains, with snow covered tops.   Love is the animals and the insects, birds and reptiles.  Love is the earth.  Love is the planets that dance above us. Love is the Universe.

Love is the rain that falls down upon us.  Love is the snowflakes that touch our faces.  Love is the wind that swirls around us.  Love is the leaves that fall gently down to the ground.  Love is the warmth from summer days.

Love is here.  Love is now.  It never leaves, it never dies, but sometimes we forget.  Sometimes we need to look inside ourselves, for that is where love begins.

Love is a smile.  Love is a laughing voice.  Love is a teardrop rolling down our face.  Love is everything.

Look inside of yourself and say, I am Love.  I am Love.  I am Love.

Love is a kiss.  Love is a hug.  Love is a wave hello.  Love is walking away.  Love is everything.

Love is the smell of  fresh cut grass.  Love is the smell of lilacs in bloom.  Love is the smell of fresh fallen snow.  Love is everything.

Love is the sound of kids playing.   Love is the sound of a crackling fire.  Love is the sound of thunder in a storm.  Love is the sound of weeping despair.  Love is everything.

Love is you.  Love is me.  Each and every moment of our life, we have the power to choose love.  In the dark moments when we feel alone, love is there to light our way.  In our moments of sadness and heartbreak, love is there to embrace us. 
In our joyous and gleeful moments, love is there, cheering with us.    Love is who we are.  Love is everywhere.

If we choose to love through our lives, we begin to see the beauty unfold around us, knowing love is embracing us with each breath we take.   -XO Rach

Loving Through- The Mirrors

I think one of the most challenging lessons has been showing love to others when you know they do not like you. We seem to take this so personally but the truth is it is not about us, it is about them.

What I have learned is when someone doesn’t like you it is because you have triggered something inside of them. It’s like holding a mirror up for them to see themselves and most of the time no one wants to see what is being shown. I am sure if you think about people in your life now or in the past you can see the ones who held a mirror up for you and you can see what you choose to do. This is not a bad thing at all, it is actually a really beautiful thing, a gift to heal something in us that we may or may not have known. The same thing is said for the ones we trigger, but what we must remember is we do not have the power to change anyone, all we can do is be loving and kind and hope they will see inside themselves what is being shown. It is not our load to carry, but it is our message to deliver in the most loving way.

I look at everyone as a lesson that we are meant to have in this life time. Some will love us, some will leave us, some will challenge us, but all of them will allow us to grow and evolve if we are willing to look in that mirror. The more we can see how we are all connected in one way or another and how each of us are here to learn and grow from each other, the more love and kindness we can bring to this world. No one is smarter, prettier, stronger, or anything else that is what we have been made to believe. Instead, believe we are all here to serve our purpose for this lifetime and we all have mirrors and messages to deliver. Be kind, loving and have empathy for others. XO-Rach

Loving Through Surrendering

Surrender means to give one’s power away or to give up, but I am writing about surrendering to the unknown, the force that is here to help and guide us.

There are many different times in our life when we are stopped in fear or just don’t know what to do, these are the times where we need to surrender the outcome or the next step. Trusting and allowing what is meant to be will be. Yes, that sounds absolutely terrifying but have you ever tried it? Have you ever said to yourself, “ I trust whatever is meant to happen will happen”, and sit back and live life. Society has become a control freak, in almost every area of our life we want to control how this or that will go and want to know the outcome before we actually go through the journey.

To take our hands of the wheel, sit back and enjoy the ride no matter what is how life is meant to be. We miss some of the most amazing things when we are focused on controlling everything. We don’t have the power to control anything in this world, only ourselves, our thoughts and emotions, so why waste your energy? To have trust and faith in yourself and a belief that there is a force cheering and guiding you to the next best place or thing should bring us all comfort. Even in our darkness moments and questions there is a reason for what happens, even if we do not like it we need to surrender to the trusting that this is how life is meant to be and we might not understand in that moment, but we will in time.

We are meant to live the life of our dreams, but we are not meant to control how it comes. XO-Rach

Loving Through Trust

The definition of trust in the dictionary is this: belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. No where does the definition mention anything about self, which is where trust must begin.

To have trust is believing that whatever is meant to be will be. Knowing we can not control anything or anyone, just ourselves and the way we respond and act. We have the choice to allow others that space without blaming them for their choices, if we feel hurt by someone that is a place we need to look at in ourselves. No one has the ability to make us feel a certain way, unless we give them that power.

Too often in relationships you hear how someone did something to break trust with the other, which often leads to the end of the relationship. What I honestly know in my own experience is this: If two unhealed people come together in a relationship and do not fix or heal what they need to, they will both pass all of their traumas and baggage unto each other. Thus, the blame game will start and no one stands a chance to heal and fix what needs to be.

Trust is not meant to hide us from hurt, betrayal, or any of those negative experiences, but if you are healed and healthy in your mind and soul, you will react and feel differently about anything that happens. Trust that the Universe, God, Angels, Guides, whoever it is you believe in is taking care of you. Trust that each experience you go through is meant to happen, good or not good, it is how we grow and evolve. Loving Through is facing your own shadows, not taking ownership of anyone else’s. It is learning to trust in yourself, knowing each step of your journey you are doing the best you can with what you know in each moment. Trusting in love and making loving choices, is a place that will never lead you astray, trust me :). XO-Rach

Loving Through: Allowing Yourself to Reflect.

For the last 4 years I have allowed myself to take time and to really reflect upon each year as it comes to an end. Not just choosing the good moments, but all the moments that led me to now. I know we don’t want to think about any of the bad ones again, but I view it as growth, a lesson and so being able to look back, I can see what has changed, how I have changed, and to really know if I have healed what needed to be. For me it is a healthy way to start of a new year, by releasing the old and embracing the new, without bringing baggage along, instead I bring an empty suitcase.

I know it is not always easy to remember a whole year and especially the beginning of the year, but a few ways to jog your memory is looking through your pictures on your phone, if you journal look back to the start of the year., and if you don’t have any of these, just allow yourself some space to meditate, be still and think about things that occurred this past year, believe me you will remember more than you think!

I have never been big on New Year’s Resolutions, instead I chose to set an intention. After I look back upon the year ending, I think about what it is I would like to learn, improve, grow or start for the New Year. It is something you can write and place on your mirror, hang on your wall, put in your car, where ever you want and however many places you want, so each day you see it and our reminded. You only need one. Mine for this year is: Love in new ways. I know it sounds more like an affirmation but for me, it is a reminder a challenge for myself, to see love in ways that I may not have. To be open to more, not just good, but also any challenges of life.

Reflecting on another year can stir many emotions for each of us, but that is where you need to listen. Listen to what those emotions are, where are they coming from, how are they making you feel? Reflecting on those questions can bring you to an answer you may have needed, but it will also bring you peace and hopefully excitement for the new year ahead. Each year, month, day, moment we have the ability to change and rewrite our lives, how amazing is that?! I hope 2022 brings more love, peace and kindness into your life and into this world. XO-Rach

Loving Through: Listening to our Soul.

I believe we all come here with our own built in compass, a guide that helps us navigate life. Some call it intuition or a knowing, but I believe it is my soul, my highest self telling me what I have always known.

No one in this world knows us better than our own selves, but yet we allow others to influence us on our decisions, feelings, beliefs and thoughts. Have you ever had a feeling when something was right or wrong? Like there is this magical pull in your tummy, almost like a fire brewing inside, well that is your soul, your knowing, whatever you call it. Have you ever gone against that knowing? What happened when you did? I can say from my own experience I said, “ I knew this or that, but why did I do something different”?

Society has never talked or educated people on what their own bodies are capable of nor has it been acceptable to listen to your own compass. It is not egotistical to own and be who you are, to feel free to be that, and to be unapologetic for your choices that you make for yourself. We all have this inside of us, but you need to stop and listen to yourself, that is the only place where you will find your answers. Yet, we have relied on outside sources for most of our lives, our parents, teachers, bosses, whoever it maybe, not knowing or listening to our soul.

We all have our own path, choices to make, and our purpose for being here, so why would you want anyone else influencing that? Don’t keep going against yourself, what you truly feel, believe, and know to be the best for YOU. The more you stop, listen, breathe and take a moment to sit and ask yourself what it is you need to know or do, the answer (s) will be there. XO-Rach

Loving Through Our Age.

Today I celebrate another day here on this earth as well as my last year of being in my 40’s. Grateful doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel in this moment, so many emotions and so much love. I live with no age, because it is just a number, it doesn’t define me or limit me, it is just a blessing for another year, month, day, and moment I get to spend here.

Every year of life brings change, some are amazing and others not so amazing, but in each of them there is an opportunity to love. I think about the last 9 years of my life and the amazing transformation that has happened within me. Saying goodbye to souls who I loved dearly, leaving a marriage that I never thought I could, but with all that sadness came light. I got to live on my very own for the very first time in my life, made decisions on my own, and learned to love myself and others in a new wayI never knew I could. Yes at age 44 I finally lived on my own! Age does not matter! Age has become something of a death sentence as our numbers climb. My daughter said to me the other day, “Your life is half over”, I laughed and thought, I will be blessed to have another 50 years!

I think about when we are young and all we wanted was to be older and when we get older we wish we were younger. I believe we all need to find our child spirit again, because that is the fountain of youth. It is where our dreams, passion and pure joy of life is at. I remember coloring my mom’s hair when she was 39, thinking to myself she is so old. And at the age of 40 I started coloring my grays away, but for the last 6 months I stopped. I decided this is me, this is the process, so I am just embracing it with confidence and love. It doesn’t matter if we have wrinkles, grays, or things are sagging south! What matters is loving who we are in every single moment, day, month and year we get to be here.

Age has been defined in this culture in the most horrible ways I believe. We are defined by our minds, bodies and not our souls, our love. Some of the most amazing people I know and have known have been treated unfairly because they are deemed old, that they served their purpose and now do not have one. What I know is with age comes wisdom, stories and memories that helped shaped our world. Stories that carry love and joy and stories that bring us lessons.

No one knows when our story will end, but that is the beauty of life, that is our lesson to live each day with love, to say I am sorry, to forgive, to hug, to kiss, to cherish all that we have and not dwell on what we don’t. Each year, each moment we can change our lives, age doesn’t stop that, we do. So remember today and everyday to love like it is your last. Wake up each day with your child spirit and believe anything is possible, because it is. We live in a magical place, we are the magic! XO-Rach

Loving Through Divorce.

Divorce is different for each person, the reasons why, if kids are involved and so many other factors. It makes each journey unique, although the outcome is the same, there is an ending of a marriage. There is not a guidebook on how to act or think during this process, because when it comes to humans everyone reacts and feels differently about this decision. I know in my own experience it was pretty tough to Love Through this process at first, but I learned quickly I was not who I wanted to be nor acting the way I wanted. So I changed a lot and in doing so I found love and that is how I could move forward in this journey.

As humans we live in our emotions, which is not always a bad thing, but it depends on the emotions we are living in. If you are feeling anger and hate, that is how you will navigate any experience in life and with divorce that only fuels the fires that may be burning in one or both people. Believe me I am aware of these feelings, the feeling of someone hating you so much because you chose to make yourself happy, but what I want you to understand it is not your job to carry someones pain or suffering, that is for them to heal and navigate through. Divorce is like death, it is an ending and in all endings you need to carry love, for yourself and for everyone involved. When you have kids this magnifies the need for love more than anything! Their whole entire life is changed and it doesn’t matter the age of your kids, because it is an ending of a family they have known their entire life. I became very aware of how my kids each felt, because they are all different and each path is different on how they processed this life changing event. My vow since day one was not to allow my kids to feel it was about them and that I was here, presently, loving and supporting them in all ways that I could.

Divorce is not easy, but it can be a beautiful thing even if you do not have a good ending with your ex. To be happy, healthy and in love with life is what each of us in this lifetime deserves and is meant to experience. Never feel bad about your choices, but also be aware of your why’s and what you are sending out into the world.

Love is the one gift we all have and even in the dark and sometimes horrible moments, when we feel we don’t or shouldn’t give love, that is when it is needed the most! XO-Rach

Loving Through a narcissistic relationship.

To me it is almost impossible to Love Through this type of relationship. It is the after math where love is needed to move through and forward. It is hard to find this love at first, because you are broken, every single piece of you is scattered all over the place. You feel alone, misunderstood, and honestly you can feel crazy. Crazy for how you allowed yourself to be in this abusive and traumatic relationship, but you aren’t crazy, you are brave.

A narcissist will destroy everything inside of you, they will make you doubt yourself over and over, till you finally just give up on yourself and go with what is said and told to you. You will live in fear and sadness. Fear that you will never feel alive and sadness for the person who has died inside of you. They take what they can, make you weak, make you worthless. They don’t care what age you are, what sex you are, they just want you to love them, to obey, to live their life in the way they want. You will give up your dreams, your desires, and your heart. You won’t even know it is happening till you are so far in and don’t see a way out, that is when you feel stuck, where you feel like you are dying, a million times over and over.

Loving yourself through the after is one of the most challenging things you will ever do in life, but it is also one of the most beautiful gifts you will ever give yourself. It is like a white canvas, fresh and new, where you begin to paint the colors of your own life. The toughest part is picking up the brush, because you haven’t been allowed to do anything on your own. But once you pick it up, that is the first step forward to painting your master piece. Then you need to decide what color to start with, this can take time, because you have to relearn to trust yourself again. This is a hard process, because you go back to a place where you were never right and were not allowed to make choices. But once you pick that first color, you will have a surge of confidence and picking the next one becomes easier. Your master piece can take time, sometimes a lifetime, but the whole point of this, is that you are moving and growing, learning who you are. What you like, what you don’t. What you want in life and what you do not. There are times when your brush strokes are not the way you want, but they are there for you to see your progress and where you need to keep working on something. The most important thing to remember is you are free. Free to grow, free to learn, free to love the way you know how, the way you want to be loved. Loving Through each stroke off your journey and knowing you are ok. You are worthy, you didn’t deserve anything that happened to you. Instead, it was a gift, a new canvas, a new life, where you are now the artist. Lean into that excitement, the wonder of life, and believe there are many different colors waiting for you to chose. XO- Rach