Loving Through When Someone Doesn't See You

I have said many times in different ways, that as human beings, all we want is to be seen, heard, felt, and understood. This is so important in our daily relationships with the ones that we are closest to, who love and believe in us and knows us the best. But what happens when that shifts? When they no longer see who you are?

Sometimes this shift can take a while and other times it feels like you woke up and everything seems to have changed overnight. No matter how it happens, it is a feeling that can hurt us on a level that we may have never felt before.

There can be many reasons why someone may see us differently than they did before. Having other people’s influence can make this happen, but so can our energy, our vibration. We are all our moving at different speeds and have our journeys to walk. Healing and growing is a personal choice and many have a hard time with the process. The hardest part is when your vibrations no longer align, where they do not see you, and you may be losing sight of them. It can break your heart and depend on who the person is leave your world upside down. But there is hope, always.

These are the moments in life when we may have to reach farther down than we ever have had to, to find that strength, and to keep our faith alive. We can not judge someone for not seeing us anymore, for not remembering who we are, who we have always been. Instead, this is the time when we have to believe our journeys separate for a while, where each person must go off and learn other lessons and grow. This is love, self-love, and love for others.

In your soul, you know your paths will meet again and in that knowing there will be peace and the ability to keep moving forward on your journey. I believe this is the power of love, the ability to hold space for another, but to know they have to learn and grow without you…. XO-Rach

Loving Through the Obstacles

Obstacles are actually blessings in disguise, but you need to look and see the meaning of whatever is standing in your way or preventing your movement. We have all experienced obstacles, it is something no one can really avoid, but have you ever took the time to learn the why of it showing up?

It happens to all of us one time or many times in different ways and circumstances. You can be moving along with a plan, a project, relationship, really anything at all, and BOOM, something happens to change your direction or literally just stops it all together. These are the moments where we can feel defeated, lost, confused or angry, along with many other emotions. Some will keep pursing the same door, only to get the same results or something even more devastating, while others might quit all together on whatever it was they were trying to accomplish, but there are some that will take the time to see what the actual meaning of the obstacle was.

I had a friend who scheduled a routine colonoscopy and when the day arrived she didn't have a ride to the appt, so she thought well I will just cancel and reschedule as it is only a routing test, but a family member reached out and said they could bring her. Right after the test she was told she had colon cancer. She told me she is so thankful that she didn’t cancel and that even though she didn’t want that family member to take her, she was grateful they did. To me it is the Universe saying “No, you will not cancel this appt, I will find you a ride.” because she needed to know the results of her test. Thankfully it was caught so very early, she will be just fine.

I used to be so negative about all the obstacles that showed up in many different ways and times of my life, but I have realized they are truly blessings. They can prevent accidents, illness, really anything at all, but so many times we don’t see the signs, we don’t stop in our moments to listen to ourselves.

Today I had somethings occur and thought a few years ago I would have gotten angry at the world…. But this morning, I said, “Thank you Universe”, because I know there is reason for everything, and it allows me to slow down, to see those signs, to understand and regroup myself to push another way I never thought before. Life never goes the way we plan or we think is best, but the beautiful thing is there is a higher power watching out for us and sending those detours. Obstacles are the way the Universe can tell us , “I have a better plan, trust me.” XO-Rach

Loving Through Happiness

I started thinking about how our definition and what we believe happiness is, changes as we grow.   Some still think and believe it is a destination, searching each day in many places, things and people, not understanding it comes from within.  

When we were little beings, that is when we knew the true meaning of happiness.  We were excited each and everyday to play outside, be with our family, and our friends, to just be.  We didn’t need anything or anyone to make us happy, we were untainted, pure but, somewhere along the way it changes.   Somehow we lose our sense of who we are,  what we value, what we believe and what we think.  It’s like we wake up and decide we need this to be happy, whether it is clothes, a toy, a friend.  The light that shined in us, went dim or for some blew out completely, like we never experienced happiness or the true meaning of it.

Each stage of our lives happiness shifts into new ways.  When we hit school age, we want what everyone else has and if we don’t get it, we won’t be happy.  When we no longer believe in the fairy tales of the Holidays, they don’t bring us the happiness we remembered when we did believe.  When we become adults, so much changes in the way we can view happiness, for some it is their spouse that makes them happy, their job, or their children.  Yet, for others it becomes more materialistic, a house, car, how much money they have.  Happiness becomes this place, thing or destination, where we can say, “I will be happy when”, or “If I get this, then I will be happy”, not only does that create a lot of stress and pressure it also creates disappointment, as nothing, no one can make us happy.

Merriam Weber’s definition of Happiness is this : A state of well being and contentment.   It does not say if you have this or do this you will be happy.  If you go here or there, you will be happy.   I think about the Magic Kingdom, how it has been called “ The Happiest Place On Earth.”  I have been many times, at different ages and yes, it is a magical place, but what happens when we leave there?  We go back to our unhappy lives, dreaming of that place that made us happy.   Our minds are powerful, our hearts are capable of healing, but the problem is many block the abilities of our amazing capabilities.  Happiness for me is freedom, peace and love.  It is contentment for this life I am blessed to live, for the body that heals and carries me and for my mind that allows me to change whatever thoughts I want at any moment.  If you want to be happy, then be happy.  It starts there, doing what you love, feeling what you want to feel, thinking the way you want, and believing anything and everything is possible.  XO-Rach

Loving Through Judging

Being judged by others is not a pleasant feeling, but neither is judging others. When we decide to judge someone it is truly because of our insecurities about ourselves, not about the person we are judging.

We all have been guilty of this in our life. I think back to junior high and oh my goodness, that was a breeding ground for judgment! Everyone there was insecure about who they were and who they wanted to be yet, there was not a class or an adult or society teaching us another way to be, to learn, or understand our insecurities. What I have realized now is this does carry throughout our lives in many different ways and forms.

I know women seem to be the ones who judge more and in many different ways, but I do know men deal with this as well. For us girls somewhere along the way we learned to judge other girls by the way they looked, dressed, where they lived, and much more. When you think about this it is pretty sad to know we all grew up like this and that somehow it was normal and ok. I know I was not aware of how this would carry on through other stages of my life and how this behavior truly harms us in many ways.

I can think back to when I was getting married, a lot of my friends already had or were going to be and the judging was out of control! It was about where you were getting married, how much your dress was, etc…. After the wedding comes your first child and again, the judging is hardcore, but this time the judgment really strikes a chord because it is not just about you anymore, it now is about your baby. It stays about kids, for the most part, their sports, grades, and who they are friends with. It also can be about your house, what car you drive, and pretty much everything about your life. For some, this is just the way of life, but once I was able to see I knew I did not want this way anymore.

Once you stop judging others you honestly become a happier person, not only are you just living your life, but you stop carrying what others think of you. I have learned you can still be a loving kind person and not give a damn about anyone talking about or judging your life. I feel like it is a detox for your mental health because you honestly start feeling lighter and like a weight has been lifted from you.

Once you can look at everyone around you as a soul who is here for a purpose and a reason, you began to see everyone in a new way, a loving way. I know I was guilty of seeing a stranger and instantly judging and making up a story in my mind about their life or who they were. Now, I send a prayer and love to them because I have no idea what is happening or has happened in their life. This way of being honestly has changed me, it has allowed me to see souls, not a story in my mind, it has allowed me to open my heart and that has created more love for myself and for everyone I see. XO-Rach

Loving Through 10 Years.

April 11th 2012 to April 11th 2022 has been a decade that I will never forget, for many reasons but the most important one is that decade transformed my life in every single way.

April 11th 2012 was the beginning of the end. The end of life as I had known it and the beginning or rebirthing as I like to call it of my new life. The transformation that would take place in this 10 year period would change me forever. Aprill 11th, is the day that I said goodbye to the most amazing soul, the one I chose to be my mom and the one who allowed this process to begin. I would have never believed that 9 months later my dad would follow her and then 4 years later my sister. What I have learned in this space of 10 years is that I chose this family and I chose these lessons. I learned you can heal and forgive people who are not here in human form and that love has no boundaries, that it does not matter if they are another realm. I know angels are real and that I have 3 important ones and many others that are always guiding and loving me. I learned family doesn’t mean blood. Family is surrounding yourself with people who see you, love you, hear you and allow you to grow. I learned you are never alone, that we can feel alone, but never are truly alone and in this knowing I am now in a place of peace with being alone.

5 years ago I left a life that I never thought I could or would, but on that one day I chose me. I learned the most important work we will ever do is the work on ourselves. I finally learned that we can not change anyone or anything, but when we change ourselves, thoughts and feelings everything can change. I learned what love was not and found what love is. I felt love for the first time in my life and that changed everything. I learned we should look at our kids as souls not “our” children and how we can learn so much from them if we are willing and open to. I have seen how the break up of a family can change everyone so differently and in so many ways. I have witnessed the beauty in the souls who chose me as a mom and I have witnessed heart ache in the knowing that I can not change anything for them.

I learned it doesn’t matter what you have, material things are just things, but who you are, that is what matters. I learned the art of listening and how important it is. I knew my belief in age is only a number to be true, because at any moment in your life you can change and transform however you want. I found the little girl who had been waiting for me, the one who dreamed, who loved loved and who knew her purpose in this lifetime. I learned to trust, believe and most importantly to let go….

10 years seems like a long period of time when you think of the future, but when you look back on 10 years, it seems like it went in a blink of an eye. Some people wonder how you can go through so much in 10 years, but I feel so blessed, I was and still am loved by the souls who had to leave. All of the things that I thought would once kill me only made me stronger, in my faith, in my love and in my knowing.

Whenever I leave this lifetime I will not have regrets because I chose and will keep choosing me. To live in the now, not in the past or the future. To live in gratitude for each morning and each night. I now know what I want in life. I trust myself, listen to my soul and release my control. I know the Universe always has our back and wants us to have everything and more in this life time. I am proof that love can carry us through anything, but you have to chose love. Love has no boundaries, no expectations, no limits, it is in each and everyone of us. Love is one of the most powerful and beautiful connections we all share.

Loving Through every single moment of life-XO-Rach

Loving Through Expectations

Have you ever bought a gift for someone thinking it was the perfect thing and you imagined in your mind how they would react, the smile, the joy, and how that image made you so excited in giving them this gift? When you think of that time, did the image in your head play out exactly as you expected? Expectations really set us up for heartache, hurt feelings, disappointment, and many other emotions.

I had never really thought about expectations, I just knew I had used them most of my life in many different ways and areas of my life. Once I realized I was causing this hardship on myself, I took a look at what I had been doing, and it was then I could see what I never seen before or maybe never wanted to.. And that was how I created how someone should act, feel, or think to what I gave, did or said to them.

We can not expect anyone to react in the way we think they should, the way we created it in our mind, the way it makes us feel good. If you think about it we are really judging someone, which is not fair nor is it right, because truthfully, we are holding this goodness with expecting them to act in a certain way, which is absolutely unfair. If you are giving someone what you think is the perfect gift and their reaction does not meet what you felt it should be, how can you be mad at that person? Why has society been this way for so long and why don’t kids learn about this at school? I say this because once you loose expectations you actually feel free. Free to give, free to speak, free to be yourself without thinking about what others will say or do, because you are not creating some scenario that truly will never happen.

My golden rule is: do what makes you happy, don’t do anything that you don’t want to, and do NOT do it for praise or any other form of emotion. If you want to clean your house, clean it, for you, not for your family to say “wow the house looks great”, because they may notice, but they also may have many things on their minds and simply forget to say it.

Life is meant to live freely. Give from your heart, love with your heart, but do not expect anything from others, because that is not being or acting from love. Free yourself, you will be amazed! XO-Rach

Loving Through Letting Go

The most difficult part in a relationship is letting go when you know you can not grow together anymore. Where maybe you have learned all you can from each other and now you are to move onto the next place in your journey. This doesn’t always mean both parties are ready for this separation, but it is something that has to happen in order for growth to occur. This can happen in all different relationships not just romantic, it can be with our friends, grown children, really anyone who has a space in our life.

We do get signs I believe when this separation starts to happen, but sometimes it is such a slow process that we might not even realize what is really happening till it is done. I know in my own experiences I have been able to feel something was off, the energy, the communication, but I was not able to understand the why.

To love someone so completely and to be in a space of absolute disconnect can make your heart hurt. I like to think of the saying “If you love someone set them free, if they come back they were meant to be”, this again shows us how we do not have control over someone staying in our lives. It can be devastating to imagine life without certain people in it, but as hard as that is I believe it teaches us to hold loving space. Trusting that our path ended, but knowing that doesn’t mean forever, that it can mean I will see you up ahead.

Letting go is never easy, trusting is never easy, but loving should be the easiest thing we ever do. Resisting change creates much more sadness, when we can be open to seeing what we may not have wanted to, we can then start trusting the process.

I want to end with one of my favorite quotes as it can help you see a different way of letting go. XO-Rach

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like..” - Lao Tzu

Loving Through Guilt

Guilt is an emotion that can cause so much stress on ourselves, an emotion that we can carry for our entire lifetime if we do not deal and heal it. When I speak of guilt, I do not mean breaking the law kind of guilt, but our own law for ourselves. Each person has had a feeling of guilt, where we might have said something that caused someone else to feel bad, did something that caused harm, or just knowing we did not act in the way we know we wanted to. Guilt can also follow when we let someone or something go, even though we believe it is for the best and that it needed to happen, we can feel heavy and full of guilt.

There are times in our lives when we will not always be at our best, where we may be triggered, hurt, or just not in a good place and as tough as it can be, we must give ourselves grace. We need to remember we are souls having a human experience, we are not perfect, we are learning each and every moment of our lives.

Guilt can keep us prisoners if we do not forgive ourselves or others. The thing I have learned is sometimes doing what we know is right doesn’t always leave us feeling good, but it is in those times we need to let go of that guilty feeling and remember we are all doing the best we can. XO-Rach

Loving Through Changes

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”- Wayne Dyer

This has been my go to quote for the last 5 years. Whenever I feel stuck, confused, or really any emotion that I do not want to feel, reading this brings me peace and a reminder that. I have the power to choose my thoughts and feelings.

Change is not always a welcomed event, it can be painful and difficult, but if you can look at it from another way, you may find something that you had not seen before. I have said numerous times in my previous blogs that we do not have power to change others nor do we have control in what happens in our lives. We do however have the power to change our thoughts and emotions at any time. Even when we may have acted, thought, or felt in a way that we wish we had not been, that is the moment we can chose again.

If we are not open and willing to change, we will stay stuck, not just literally, but in our thoughts and emotions. This is when it can become painful as family and friends can be evolving and if you refuse to change, you will start feeling you no longer are on the same page as people close to you.

Change isn’t always meant to be easy and fun, but it is meant to teach and grow us. I don’t fear change anymore, I embrace it, even the painful times because I trust I am right where I am meant to be. Always find the positive. Remember you have the power to change at any given moment. XO-Rach

Loving Through The Wake Up Calls

Wake up calls are nudges from the Universe, telling you in some way that something needs to change. I have learned for myself they start off ever so gently, just a little sign here or there and if I am not present or open to see them, well they do become louder and sometimes not so gentle….

I used to believe the world was after me in someway, that I had all this bad luck or bad things always happened to me, but I decided at a certain point that is not how I wanted to view life. I knew there had to be another way of looking at things, a way that felt good, that allowed me to understand the flow of life.

I have always wanted to control so many out comes, you know you make a vision in your head of how you see things going, the way it just makes sense to you. I still struggle with this at times, but I will tell you, that is when I get my wake up calls. Those are the times the Universe says to me,” This is not the way, I have a better plan, trust me.” Not too long ago I knew there was something I needed to change in my life, but I kept putting it off because I was not ready to make it. I had signs all around me, telling me, showing me, that yes this was the time, but I didn’t want to listen or see. So I had a big wake up call, one that made me stop in my tracks and remind me I am not in control and that whatever my plan is, there was a better one playing out for me.

Wake up calls are something to be grateful for, however you want to see it or name it, there is a higher power watching over all of us. We all came here to live our best life, but we need to learn first that we have no control over the way it will play out, no matter how good we think of the ways it should go or be. Don’t be afraid of those nudges, they are loving signs to remind you that the Universe always has your back, even when it is a tough lesson or situation we are going through. It is all for a reason and purpose. XO-Rach